Its official... I am climbing walls!!
Today I am having one of those meh! days... where you try and do stuff but you just really cannot be arsed!
I am so frickin bored its unbelievable... and frustrated! I hate not working.. I hate not been busy and there is only so much housework you can do before it makes you go doolally.
Have been trying to sort out the house but it feels like I not getting anywhere... like being on a hamster wheel... never-ending...
There is also the money situation.. the lack of it... the feeling of a roller coaster in your chest everytime another bank statement comes in... wondering how much more of your overdraft you can sink into...
When I'm working its good... the weight lifts and even though you don't go mad, you are able to treat yourself to little things...
When you're off work.. that stops... and what makes it even more frustrating is if I was single, I would be entitled to not only incapacity benefit but also income support.. something that made a huge difference before...
But no, as soon as I even moved in with my boyfriend, the income support stopped... and that adds a huge pressure to a relationship, particularly in the early days. Its like saying.. OK.. we've got together... fallen in love... planned a future together and now you're going to have to support me when I can't work. Talk about putting a big downer on things...
It also makes me feel crap.. it took me a while to accept that every now and then I would need to be off work for surgery etc, and that I would need to have hand-outs from the benefit people.. so not only do I feel useless for not being able to work, I feel even more useless having to rely on money from 'strangers'
Then I started to think about the times when I could work.. how much I worked.... and more importantly, how much tax and insurances I'd paid so suddenly the burden has lifted... I've earned a break from work...
Except that because I'm living with someone, I'm not entitled to the full array of benefits.. I have to rely on husband.. who also has the mortgage, bills, council tax, food, insurances and is considered to be earning too much for me to be entitled to income support.
The government want more family values... with Jack Straw saying in the introduction to Supporting Families. "It plainly makes sense for the government to do what it can to strengthen the institution of marriage". Yet they are not leading the way with family values....
It seems these days you are better off financially if you are single.....
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